demon: i possessed you
me: get the fuck out
demon: damn...aight...rude ass bitch...i just need a place to stay my girl kicked me out and i aint got no money...
me: shit man, you can stay but don't be spinning my head like an owl and shit
» Replace every one of the vowels in your URL with O

bootslots:

oh

Straight Boys: Why are all the hot girls lesbians?
Lesbians: Why are all the hot girls straight?
Straight Girls: Why are all the hot guys gay?
Gay Guys: Why are all the hot guys straight?
Bisexual People: WHY ARE ALL THE HOT PEOPLE TAKEN?
Pansexual People: everyone is hot what do I do
Asexual People: what

littlemouseymonster:

flammi-flames:

chilipepperconverse:

piteousdeliquium:

auttyauttyoxenfree:

:)

oooooooooooooooh shit, you tell em

This needs more notes

79.7 K, still need more

deathwingstolemyepicz:

do you want to cuddle and play video games all night?

a) yes
b) a
c) b

jaclcfrost:

do u ever have a thought that’s so fuckin inappropriate that u feel like dumping a bucket of water on urself like. calm down, self. tone it down. think about jesus

» Family reunions be like

silverhavok:

obscure relative:

image

me:

image

yesings:

what if i died in like twenty years and all i left my girlfriend was a box and like she gasps and reaches down to her chest where her key necklace hangs that i gave her twenty two years ago, and she uses it to unlock the box and all that is in there is a string which you can pull to reveal an embarrassing photo of spongebob at the christmas party

slimydad:

i hate old crusty ass adults who are like “how can you love someone youve never met or touched” shut up you dont know how to open new tabs in your internet browser

buttflick:

Were you guys aware that Pornhub has ACHIEVEMENTS? BECAUSE I WASN’T.

open-mike-knight:

moonkistprincess:

"i was born in the wrong generation" i say as i steal my grandkids hoverboards because fuck you i was promised these years ago

Yesss

me: *plots out entire novel, mentally writes 500 pages of dialogue, and deeply develops primary and secondary characters whilst driving*
me: *opens microsoft word* wait, what?

legalwifi:

this was probably one of the saddest moments of my childhood

image 

me: hmm this song is pretty good
me: hmm this album is pretty good
me: hmm i think i like this band
me: *gets entire discography*
me: *buys merch*
me: *buys concert tickets*
me: *dedicates life to band*
me: yeah idk they're pretty good
REBLOG | Posted 1 week ago With 6,222 notes

neatvibes:

most common thought: damn haha im going to have to deal with that sooner or later